Song of Reference: Born Sinner- J. Cole

Going into college I had high expectations for what my life was going to be and who I would evolve to become. I remember wearing a bright red Hollister skirt with a red bow in my hair to Temple’s orientation and matching every single color in my outfits to a tee that entire weekend. I was so fearless, ambitious and driven to be a force in any career that I wanted to be in. I knew myself, I loved who she was and I was ready to take her to the top.

That girl went up in flames in a matter of months when I finally fell from my floating cloud and reality hit me hard. I became terrified of crowded spaces, I hated having to leave my dorm, I would become physically sick if I went out for too long and I was so paranoid that I thought everyone was talking about me. I was completely lost from the person my family dropped off at Temple and I did not know how to get back to her...

My four years in college would turn out to be filled with drama, deceit, depression, (lots of) drinking, and constantly being on the verge of dropping out. It was like someone took a black sharpie and colored in this portion of my life, and while it's started to fade there will always be remnants of it left as a permanent mark, some good and others I would love to forget.

I have friends who proclaim that undergrad was the best time in their lives, while I sit and wait for that time that leaves me in complete infatuation. I want to feel that kind of desire, flirting with my past and it's memories that leave me in tranquility. College was Hell for me, I was broken more than I was whole. Hurt way more than I was happy. And so lost that I had lost hope of ever finding myself again.

But now that I am no longer in that position and can truly reflect on that time in my life. I recognize that it was needed. I had to completely break in order to truly see that I was never as put together as I thought I was. It helped me to become self aware and see my own faults. It was the beginning of my journey  to become my true self.

~XOXO Lyric